People being what they are, the concept of weird Christmas presents crosscuts gender and age — especially when you consider that weirdness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beer-holder… er, beholder.

weird christmas presents

We have all gotten weird Christmas presents, things we had either no idea what to do with or no idea what the giver was thinking. Here are a few examples.

Mmmm…Tasty

Take that “cookie” maker thing my friend once got as a kid. Green slime was bad enough. With this thing, you stuck a pile of that kiddie dough modeling clay that’s interesting for about five minutes into a slot, pressed it through some shaped molds, and cut your “cookies” off as they emerged.

You could even make whole snakes of the shaped dough with that thing. Yum! Then you could cook them into solid uselessness in a little oven. At least with the E-Z Bake Oven his sister got, you could cook edible chocolate chip cookies.

Oh, wait… come to think of it, maybe that’s where we cooked the things. No wonder she was mad.

Adult Options

My Mom once receive a boxed Christmas gift that read on top, “I bought you a gold bar…” and then when you opened it up, the inside of the lid read: “BUT MY DOG ATE IT.” And inside the box, on a fine velvet bed, was a big pile of fake doggy doo sprinkled with gold glitter.

Yep. Right up there with the whoopee cushion and the fake barf, that one. I thought it was really, really funny when I was seven.

Just a Little Creepy

Now they have gifts called LifeGems, where you can take some of the ash from a cremated loved one and have it made into an artificial diamond that you can wear in a ring, a necklace, or whatever.

It’s genuinely doable, since diamond is just pressed and heated carbon…and as V’ger pointed out in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, we humans are mostly carbon. Of course, it’s less creepy if you use, say, a lock of a living relative’s hair for the process. The diamonds still cost the Earth, though.

Just a Lot Creepy

While the above at least nets you a piece of wearable jewelry, there are other…gifts that are a tad beyond the boundaries of good taste. Take, for instance, the person who was offering pendants with small animal heads on them last year. Real animal heads.

I respect the art of taxidermy as much as anyone, but c’mon now. A parakeet on a pendant? That’s got to be the weirdest present yet.

Then, for the prank-inclined young lady, there’s the Always Positive Pregnancy Test. Your young man is sure to love this one…for about as long as you can keep a straight face. Here we are back in fake doggie doo territory. Talk about your weird Christmas gifts that keep on giving…

 

Tags: